Posted by: Nadine | January 29, 2009

Reality Check

I had quite the bout of insomnia last night, so I  decided to use the time to join the Nutrimirror website.  I knew I was fat – I’ve been fighting “fat” for years now.  I see “fat” in the mirror every day.  As my clothing size gradually increased over the years, so did my denial.  It’s not like I’ve never “tried” to lose weight.  I just never seem to be able to stick with it.

I typed in my height and weight.  Nothing happened, so I got bored and logged out.  When I logged back in this morning, the computer had calculated that I am obese.  OBESE.

Obese is a scary word.  It is associated with heart disease.  Diabetes.  God knows what else.

Obese could KILL me.

How did I let it get this bad?

After a few hours of thinking and soul searching, I realized that when I quit smoking, I took up eating.   I never dealt with the reasons behind my addiction to cigarettes.  Instead, I simply turned to food.  And now food is my drug.  Sugar in particular.  I can’t get through the day without it.

I’ve spent a lot of time bellyaching and whining about how much weight I’ve put on, but I guess I just never cared enough about what all that sugar and junk food was doing to me to seriously do anything about it.  Ryan has always told me that he loves me JUST the way I am (bless his heart), and I could always find clothes that masked how big I really was.  But this has to stop.

I have said this time and time again, but I have to lose this weight.  And I can’t keep making excuses why it’s not happening.  I battled cigarettes and I won, so there is no reason why I can’t beat this too.  I can do this, and I will do this, once and for all.

I have set my goal.  I am tracking my food.  I have asked Ryan to buy me an eliptical trainer THE MINUTE we can afford it – which won’t be far off.  I have put a kitchen scale on my grocery shopping list so there is no reason why I can’t count the calories in everything I eat.  I will use water to detox from sugar.  I found a great website that tells you the calories in just about everything, so if I can’t find it on the Nutrimirror site, I will find it there.  I will be accountable for every bite I put in my mouth.  No fibbing to myself.  No cutting corners.  No excuses.  I will confront issues that I have held inside, instead of using food to stuff them back down.  I will dig deep and use every bit of strength I have to do this.

ONCE AND FOR ALL.


Responses

  1. You have the right attitude, in that you have to use the same determination to eat healthy as you did to quit smoking. You have to be worth it to YOU.

    Detoxing from sugar is hell… for about three days. And if you put it back in, you have to detox all over again.

    Here’s what I want you to do, not that you asked:

    1) follow my blog, i live this shit EVERY day
    2) take this one day at a time. literally. when you wake up in the morning plan what you will do JUST FOR TODAY
    3) every day, plan what you are going to eat. failing to plan is planning to fail. it wouldn’t be a cliche if it weren’t true.
    4) ask questions. ask me anything. my ‘rest of my life’ journey started two years ago. i asked, and now i have a ton of answers.
    5) know this… you ROCK.

  2. Thanks Dee – I’m pretty fired up about the whole thing now, but I know there are tough times to come, it’s really nice to know I have someone to go to when I need answers or motivation. 🙂

  3. Supportive Friend who luvs yeah: YEAH.. exactly.. take responsibility for your actions…. and control of your life WOOWOO

    Asshole self centered little bitch: Crap.. does this mean this is turning into another food blog? sulk….

  4. Heh heh – probably not 🙂 No worries, I will still have plenty of other things to write about too! So MANY things left to bitch about, can’t stop now! Oh wait, was that too *ahem* negative?

  5. LOL 😀


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